Welcome To My Blog!

This is my Blog about Writing! I will post blogs here about my Writing career and progress in stories! I will also post blogs about interesting links I have found about Writing, I will also post a friends blog once a week!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Heart Ache!!

Well, OK here goes! I don't do many blogs, most people post once a week and have regular posts, not me as I don't have things to say all the time. Well, today is a day I have something to say so get ready!!

Today I was chatting with Denise Kennedy, a very lovely woman. We decided to start a "Random Acts of Kindness" club in MasterKoda group on Facebook! The idea is to send things to people who need cheering up, like cookies and happy things! No, this blog isn't about the club, but it is important to what I'm going to be talking about.
My subject today heart ache!

Many people have been through it, whether from a friend, family member, lover. There are different forms of heart ache!
You're sad because your friend is no longer around, whether left or died, a family member had died and you miss them, these things all count as heart ache. But, there is one kind of heart ache I'm going to focus on, romantic heart ache.

In January of this year I broke up with my boyfriend who'd I'd been dating for over a year, probably the longest boyfriend I've ever had.
I don't get along well with guys, as they are very touchy feely and horny and I'm not. So, most guys leave me and go find a girl they can touch and feel and bang.
I'm also not as prissy and girly and I guess mature as other girls my age, also makes it harder to date guys. But, I find it doesn't bother me as I'm not really a "I need a guy!!!" girl. Where some girls need a boyfriend to have a life or be a person, me I'm my own person single, I don't need a guy to complete me, and that makes them furious. I got this from my awesome mother, who is the same way, and taught me to be the strong, independent woman I am today. (Well, independent from men anyways :-P)

Back to my break-up! We broke up in January and I was very pissed, at him, his new girlfriend he got a week later, at life, at me, at everything! Then I went into my usual thing of "I don't care!! Whatever!!" which my friend told me if I didn't care I wouldn't be pissed right now, which was right, but I didn't want to hear it, as the "Whatever" was a defense mechanism to stop me from cracking and melting.
Once I was done with the "Whatever!!" thing, I went to the "I don't need him, I'm going to become a NEW me!!" so, I cut my hair, colored it and changed my look, but that lasted about a week, then the depression sunk in. And I spent the next FOUR MONTHS sitting on my bed drinking pop and eating junk food while I watched TV. I didn't go outside, I didn't write, I didn't see people, I quit all my activities, I just became a hermit and the worst part was, I didn't even know it. (Did that rhyme?)
It wasn't until like April that I slowly came out of my funk and started to go outside, slowly bit by bit. First shopping, then McDonalds to write, then to church I hadn't been to in 4 months. Let's just say being a hermit for 4 months isn't fun, especially if you go to a University with several thousand people in it, then cause yourself to have a panic attack when you enclose yourself in a building with them. (My first ever!! Thanks to Kim Mutch Emerson who helped me through it!!!)
I realized that I had become a Hermit after my attack, and that maybe 4 months alone was probably a bad idea, so I started going outside again, and doing things, and people made me realize that just because some guy dumped me for no reason doesn't mean i have to close myself off from the world and give up. That it was his loss not mine, and I could do way better anyways. At first I didn't believe them and wouldn't listen, but after a while I realized they were right and that I'd forgotten who I was,and that I didn't need a man to be happy or have a life! That I was perfectly happy before I had him as a boyfriend and I could be again without him!
So, I shook it off, started writing again, got a great online job making good money, got a publishing contract from a small press, and got on with my life.
I am now at the point where I can even chat with my ex and hang out with him, as it doesn't bother me, we had a lot of fun together and I realized we still could even as friends.
I anger and hatred I felt towards him went away and was replaced with only wanting him and his new girlfriend (Who I never hated!) only happiness. After all if he had to date someone I'm glad it was her as she was the only one of his friends I truely liked.
So, I'm back to my old self and now know that with or without a guy I can be happy and have a great life, and that as long as I remember that I will be fine, whether I die alone or with a huge family!

Thanks for reading my ramblings, and i hope you understood what I was trying to say as I'm not sure I do!  :-P


  1. Wow, that is a lot of introspection. And a really important thing to learn. You should be very proud of yourself.

    1. Thanks Tasha!!! I appreciate that! I learned a lot from my mom, I wouldn't be this way without her! :-D

  2. I've been there many times. What I worry about is why really "being" with a guy is so hard for you? You shouldn't be at the age where drive is an issue. Maybe that's something you can talk about with someone you trust. You are very young yet and life is full of people that you were possibly meant to be with, some for a length of time, some not. I personally don't believe we are meant to just love one person throughout our lives. If you found the right person you may think differently. Depression is another matter, I battle it daily. I don't take meds nor do I wish to. I see myself at 48 not having done anything of great importance. I have my children and that helps, but sometimes I just wish I had made better decisions for myself. In a nutshell, promotion sucks, my job sucks. I don't have enough money to do any real marketing. Life is just yuck sometimes. You can't let it get you down and if you do, don't stay down. Find something to smile about, I'm sure you have many reasons to.

    1. I'm just not big on dating Madison! Like you said I'm still very young...and unlike everyone else my age and younger, I'm not obsessed with getting married and having kids!

  3. =) Wow you were gut honest! I admire that greatly! Cookies are on the way & now I am glad that we chatted even briefly, & that good things come when things are shared and cookies are dipped in milk! =) Well done Sian...Shine on! Denise

    1. Thanks Denise!! I think the best blogs are the honest ones! It's hard to explain what you're trying to say without giving the reasoning behind it!

  4. Very heartfelt, Sian. It's good you don't need a boyfriend to complete yourself.

  5. Huhs her SIan this was beautiful!! Yo really should blog more often!!