Privacy!

Ok this is more of a rant as i'm not allowed to rant on FB....be warned!

So, it's 4pm on a Monday moms left for work, I decide I want some Strawberry Shortcake and read my Kindle! So I open my door and my stepdad walks into the bathroom in his undies from the living room where he sleeps (it's no longer a family room....it's HIS room!) he looks up at me and bitches that he has NO privacy!
Shall we reflect??
It's 4pm in the afternoon on a Monday and he's in the living room downstairs next to the kitchen where we get food in his underwear for all to see I they come downstairs then bitches because he has NO PRIVACY!!!!!!
I wonder why!!!!!!
Put some pants on you idiot you're in the living room!!!!!!!

Rant done.....

Writing not every ones normal!

Here's one of my famous (HA!) random blogs enjoy!!


I was sitting at my laptop just now writing up Death Messengers my WIP (Work-In-Progress)
when it hit me, this was all perfectly normal. Sitting here chatting with Cathy, role-playing with my Canadian friend on MSN, and of course Sprinting in Facebook and writing my novel one sentence at a time.
What hit me you may ask and no it didn't hurt, it hit me that sitting at my desk writing my novel like I was doing my homework , it was perfectly normal and a part of my day and life.
Then it also hit me that, there are people out there in the world that don't sit at their computer everyday or notebooks and write novels. And that to them we're weird and strange or even amazing as we can create an entire world in our minds then put it onto paper and come out with an incredible story that WE created, they can't do any of this so to them it's incredible!
See, I've been writing for as long as I can remember, I remember sitting in WV almost 10 years at our dining room table writing up my fanfictions, I had at least 5 or 6 going at once. (See I've always had more then one story going.) So, to me writing novels and creating worlds is completely normal to me. Like I said I've been doing it for practically my whole life, it's always revolved around writing and creating and day dreaming.
I have NO idea if any of this makes sense to anyone but me, then again I'm not sure it makes sense to me either.
But, it just hit me like a brick (A painless brick!) that this is my life and it's normal for me to write for hours an end all day long and all night too, I just sort of forgot that not everyone is the way we are, obsessed with writing! 
I just wanted to share my sudden realization with you all! I'm sorry if this is rambles and repeats it's self...a lot!
Now get back to your normal life! (Well, normal for you that is!)

Heart Ache!!

Well, OK here goes! I don't do many blogs, most people post once a week and have regular posts, not me as I don't have things to say all the time. Well, today is a day I have something to say so get ready!!

Today I was chatting with Denise Kennedy, a very lovely woman. We decided to start a "Random Acts of Kindness" club in MasterKoda group on Facebook! The idea is to send things to people who need cheering up, like cookies and happy things! No, this blog isn't about the club, but it is important to what I'm going to be talking about.
My subject today heart ache!

Many people have been through it, whether from a friend, family member, lover. There are different forms of heart ache!
You're sad because your friend is no longer around, whether left or died, a family member had died and you miss them, these things all count as heart ache. But, there is one kind of heart ache I'm going to focus on, romantic heart ache.

In January of this year I broke up with my boyfriend who'd I'd been dating for over a year, probably the longest boyfriend I've ever had.
I don't get along well with guys, as they are very touchy feely and horny and I'm not. So, most guys leave me and go find a girl they can touch and feel and bang.
I'm also not as prissy and girly and I guess mature as other girls my age, also makes it harder to date guys. But, I find it doesn't bother me as I'm not really a "I need a guy!!!" girl. Where some girls need a boyfriend to have a life or be a person, me I'm my own person single, I don't need a guy to complete me, and that makes them furious. I got this from my awesome mother, who is the same way, and taught me to be the strong, independent woman I am today. (Well, independent from men anyways :-P)

Back to my break-up! We broke up in January and I was very pissed, at him, his new girlfriend he got a week later, at life, at me, at everything! Then I went into my usual thing of "I don't care!! Whatever!!" which my friend told me if I didn't care I wouldn't be pissed right now, which was right, but I didn't want to hear it, as the "Whatever" was a defense mechanism to stop me from cracking and melting.
Once I was done with the "Whatever!!" thing, I went to the "I don't need him, I'm going to become a NEW me!!" so, I cut my hair, colored it and changed my look, but that lasted about a week, then the depression sunk in. And I spent the next FOUR MONTHS sitting on my bed drinking pop and eating junk food while I watched TV. I didn't go outside, I didn't write, I didn't see people, I quit all my activities, I just became a hermit and the worst part was, I didn't even know it. (Did that rhyme?)
It wasn't until like April that I slowly came out of my funk and started to go outside, slowly bit by bit. First shopping, then McDonalds to write, then to church I hadn't been to in 4 months. Let's just say being a hermit for 4 months isn't fun, especially if you go to a University with several thousand people in it, then cause yourself to have a panic attack when you enclose yourself in a building with them. (My first ever!! Thanks to Kim Mutch Emerson who helped me through it!!!)
I realized that I had become a Hermit after my attack, and that maybe 4 months alone was probably a bad idea, so I started going outside again, and doing things, and people made me realize that just because some guy dumped me for no reason doesn't mean i have to close myself off from the world and give up. That it was his loss not mine, and I could do way better anyways. At first I didn't believe them and wouldn't listen, but after a while I realized they were right and that I'd forgotten who I was,and that I didn't need a man to be happy or have a life! That I was perfectly happy before I had him as a boyfriend and I could be again without him!
So, I shook it off, started writing again, got a great online job making good money, got a publishing contract from a small press, and got on with my life.
I am now at the point where I can even chat with my ex and hang out with him, as it doesn't bother me, we had a lot of fun together and I realized we still could even as friends.
I anger and hatred I felt towards him went away and was replaced with only wanting him and his new girlfriend (Who I never hated!) only happiness. After all if he had to date someone I'm glad it was her as she was the only one of his friends I truely liked.
So, I'm back to my old self and now know that with or without a guy I can be happy and have a great life, and that as long as I remember that I will be fine, whether I die alone or with a huge family!

Thanks for reading my ramblings, and i hope you understood what I was trying to say as I'm not sure I do!  :-P

Never Give Up!

I just watched a youtube video Rebbekah White posted on Facebook, "Facing The Giants" scene where Brock one of the football players carries Jeremy a 160 pound teenager 120 yards, that's the entire length of a football field on his arms, his coach kept pushing him, and pushing him, and telling him to not to quit to tell his body to not give up and to keep going.

It was a very powerful scene, and I found myself in tears, at the sheer power of the scene realizing how much we can do when we put our minds to the task. Our minds can overpower our bodies and tell them to keep going even when we feel like we cannot, like we feel hopeless, pointless, like it's better to give up now then to of tried and failed.

Although writing and football are completely different in many ways they are the same in one, it takes great discipline and great power to finish both. A football player although exhausted and sore won't stop until the game is over and they have won.

The same is for a Writer, even though they are tired, and probably sore also, and out of ideas, and they just want the damn book to be over already, we can't stop, we have to keep going and we do, because our game isn't over until that book is finished and in the hand of a publisher, for then that is our won game.

So, the next time you feel like giving up or you're just too tired from your life to go on anymore, and you'd rather just stop now before all the criticism comes in from your friends and family, DON'T! Don't let some close minded, uncreative, jealous people steal your dreams from you because they can't see it themselves and they say it'd be easier to get a practical job.

J.K Rowling was told to get a practical job and that writing was good enough, it had no steady paycheck, but she didn't listen she continued to write and now she has a world bestselling series, 8 movie and a boat load of cash. Where would she be now if she had listened to those people and had just given up, and stored "Harry Potter" in a drawer and never looked at it again.

So, don't stop, don't give up, and the next time you want to think about the young man who carried a 160 pound person on his back across an entire football field because he told himself he could, and he wouldn't give up.

The Pains of a Writer!

So it's Sunday, last day of me having to put up with both parents all day. (I hate weekends!)
I woke up today feeling very stiff and sore!
My shoulders are very tender to the touch, my knees are stiff from the constant crossed legs and other positions I sit in to write for 5 ours in a row.
Not to mention my poor achy wrist, I think I've gotten some severe nerve issues going on in there. All this could be fixed with a good desk, I spend most of my time on my bed with my laptop, or at the 5 mile high desk with my PC. (Hench the wrist aches!)
Being single now I don't have a strong man to massage my pains away. *Sigh* No one ever said being a Writer is painful! I'm a Writer who can't sit still for long, my lower extremities go numb, then my knees, my back, neck, wrist, now my shoulders?! OI VA!!
Who knew writing took such a toll of the human body? If they did they sure as hell didn't tell me about it, wish they had then I could of gotten a proper desk and a good chair to sit in and write. Just sitting here right now writing this blog I'm hurting.
My back and neck are both screaming at me, I'm only sitting like this because my lower extremities started screaming at me also, it sees that no matter how I sit my body yells at me.
Yet yesterday I sat on a hard plastic chair for 5 hours and no one complained....except my knees by hour 5, makes me wonder how I sleep on this bed if my body hates it so much.
Hmmm....I'm rambling again!
The point is that I've found things about being a Writer I never knew you'd get, like a achy body and a bad wrist.
No wonder Writers work so hard to make money at this, they're going to need it to pay all the hospital bills when they're older from all this stress on the body!
 Anyone else has aches and pains from Writing??

Breaking that childhood mold!

Hmmm.....this in NO way a rant or a angry vent!!
I was born 2-3 months early and had some sorry HAVE some developmental issues! But I never let it stop me I learned to walk, talk even was potty trained at 1 and half (I think my mom said) I even learned to read at 4 years old! By school time I could read, write and spell my name by age 5! Not bad for premature!
But once I got into school I started to have problems....I needed extra help!
Well 1995 I came to America and I was put into LD! (Learning Disability!) so then I got labelled stupid by my brothers and friends! I had "B"s and "C"s in school even a occasional "A"! Graduated a year late as we moved to a new state in my Senior Year! My new school I had a 4.0 GPA and was on the Honor Roll for a few semeters even made the swim team! Again not bad for a premature LD (retarded!) child! Or so I was labelled.
I graduated in 2004 when everyone from my old school said I never would, graduating when told I never would was a great feeling and my greatest accomplishment yet! That might sound sad to you as graduating for you was no sweat, but for me it was hard to do, but I did it!
Yet still 6-7 years later I'm still considered retarded by my friends and family especialy my brothers!
What brought on my life story??
I'm trying to change my life and start fresh in my home country of England? I have family there but noone will help so I messaged my brother on Facebook and asked him agreed, but then proceeded to give me a lecture on how I'm not mature enough to be on my own, how I need to be coddled and taken care off like some mentally retarded person. Also that I dont know the meaning of hard work and that I will fail because I dont know how to work to care for myself! That hurt as I realized to him I was still that retarded litle girl who was put into LD because she was stupid.
He has not seen me in many years having gone back to UK over 5 years ago! So he has no right to judge me on his old opinions and memories of me!
I have been working hard to make money since I was 21! Taking any odd job I could grab just to make a few bucks! Nannying for 8 years for horrible bosses and worse kids with lousy pay and long hours and commute! But I took them as they were the only jobs available! Only to be told I have NO work ethic, NO experience and NO brains to keep a job! On many occasion by many people!
I am FAR from retarded having met retarded people, yet I'm still constantly treated as the stupid lil girl who couldnt pass math and was labelled stupid and shoved into LD!
This blog is about breaking the mold that you were cast in as a child and telling those people who are keeping you down that you ARE more then that and you WILL become more then you are now!
Show them all that you can do ANYTHING if you put your mind to it!!

BREAK THE MOLD!!!!

And to said brother on Facebook, is this in no way a insult to you or being rude or hateful towards you, just how I felt and needed to get it out!

I read a blog today by Joseph Eastwood (http://www.josepheastwood.com/2012/04/writing-is.html) and he asked us why do we write?? I thought about it for a while, while I ran around Facebook like a chicken with it's head cut off. (It's not cooperating for me today!!) I finally got around to reading the blog and quite enjoyed it, I posted my thoughts on his blog and post on Facebook! A friend of mine like my response so much she told me to put it on my blog so here it is:


This is why I write:
Hmm...why do I write??
I write because....I can't stop myself from writing, because I can't imagine a day of my life where I'm not day dreaming about a new story, or my characters, or thinking I have to sit down and finish my book!
I write because if I didn't, I wouldn't be me, I wouldn't be happy! If I didn't write everyday (OK, so I don't write EVERY day!) or every other day, or even think about writing, I'd be very depressed...er....and I wouldn't find any enjoyment in life! As life is what inspires me to write, I see a funny looking door, a story, I see a kid running after a kite, story! I see a title to a song, it's a story! So, without my writing life would be just..plain...boring!